sleigh bells ring, are you listening
by tombombadillo
Summary: later on, we'll conspire, as we dream by the fire, to face unafraid, the plans that we've made, walking in a winter wonderland.


**I didn't intend for this to turn out to be so long and er, steamy? Oops. Went on a kind of round-a-bout ish kind of way, but it got to where I needed it eventually. I think. **

**Spoilers for Secret Santa, including sneak peeks.**

**Disclaimer: I'm sat on a bed with an ice tray on my leg because wooden stairs and socks are apparently not a good mix.**

* * *

"You, have a friend."

Kate Beckett looks up from her desk, piled high with paperwork, finds Gates standing over her desk with arms folded. "What?"

"Another Detective has offered to take on your work load so you can… go home."

"Who?"

"Detective Demming." Gates raised an eyebrow, fixing Kate with a stern look. "I believe you two know each other?"

"We've met…" she replied slowly.

"Well, you've made a lasting impression. He's happy to take the work. If you want to take it down to Robbery, then you can get off." Gates fixed her with a pointed look; one that Kate has no trouble in understanding the meaning. "Enjoy your Christmas."

Her foot's jiggling as she makes her way down in the lift. Her arms are full of files. The doors open onto the bullpen, familiar and yet so different to her own floor. She knows where she's going, knows where Tom's desk is. He's not facing his desk, has turned around to talk to the detective behind him. She clears her throat, waits for him to turn around. The other detective, someone she doesn't know gives him a smirk and a raised eyebrow before returning to his own desk. Demming turns around, offers her that brilliant smile. "Hi."

"Er, hey."

He laughed, his gaze flicking away from her. "This could be potentially less awkward."

"Yeah. But look, Tom, you don't have to do this. I'm used to working Christmas."

"It's fine, Kate. I've got nothing better to do and you have. So give me the work and leave. I'm sure Castle is waiting."

"How – how do you know that?"

"It's not a secret. You're not exactly… subtle." He smirked at her, tapped his desk. "Go on, stick it there and get going."

"I – thanks, Tom. I owe you."

"It doesn't matter, Kate. Just go enjoy Christmas."

* * *

The food has all been cleared away, the kitchen cleaned and the loft quiet. Martha swooped out of the loft with a breezy goodbye, and Alexis didn't take that long to follow her, phone pressed to her ear. He wants to know about this new boy (he refuses to acknowledge the fact that said boy is probably now a man), except he has been banned from asking any questions about him. Which is annoying, because Alexis is his daughter and he wants to know about her life at college, wants to know about the people she's met, regardless of whether the majority of them are boys. But nope, she's keeping a tight lip. And now he's bored and he misses Kate. He hates that she's not here. Hates that she's working. And he hates that he's not with her. He huffs, tips his head back against the sofa. He should phone her. Just to check in. Or visit her. He could do that. He's got his coat over his arm, one hand on the door handle… and then there's a knock. Four of them. He pulls open the door, already smiling because knows who it is. How could he not?

"I have a strange sense of de ja vu." He grins. "We've been here before."

"Hmm, yeah. Only I didn't nearly fall off a building this time."

He drags his gaze down her body before raising them back up to her eyes. "You're also not soaking wet."

"That's debatable." She barely bites her lip as she grins at him and he feels that knot in his abdomen tightens. "Someone came to my rescue. Took my word load off me.

"Who?"

She wrinkled her nose, made to push past him. "I don't think you want to know."

"Why don't I want to know?" he closed the door behind her, turned to face Kate. "I'm happy as long as it wasn't Dr. Motorcycle Boy."

"It… wasn't Josh, no." She raised an inquisitive eyebrow at him. "Why on earth would Josh be in the precinct and why would he offer to finish my work for me?"

"I do not know. I'm going to go out on a limb and say Demming?"

"You don't mind?"

"Why would I mind? It's only Demming."

Kate's eyes bugged at him. "Only Demming?"

"Well, as your ex boyfriends go, he's the one I tolerate the most. And then Will, and then all the men you dated before you met me, and then right at the bottom of the pile, is Josh."

Kate's brow furrowed, working it over in her head. "What did Josh do to you?"

"Who's saying he did anything to me? I just don't like him."

"Yeah, right, and you usually have a reason for not liking people."

"Is him being your ex-boyfriend not reason enough?"

"No."

He huffed and span away from her, sinking down onto the sofa. "Kate, he saved your life. If it wasn't for him you'd be a hole in the ground."

"And… that's why you hate him?"

He rolled his eyes at her, so similar to him she almost laughed. "No, it's why I don't want to start tarnishing him." He stared at the coffee table, alive with candles and sighed. "He… blamed me." Castle looked up at her, his eyes that are usually so full of happiness and delight are almost drowned in sorrow. "When you were shot, he'd come out of surgery and he was _so mad_, he was mad at me, and he told me it was my fault. Said that I'd pushed you into it."

Kate opened and closed her mouth, staring in disbelief at Castle. "He… Castle, it wasn't your fault. None of it. You're the one who tried to talk me out of it, remember?"

"Didn't do a good enough job though, did I?" He slumped down, his gaze on his knees.

Kate pulled her coat off and dropped it in a heap on one end of the sofa. She wasted no time in straddling his thighs, her knees by his hips. His hands, more out of habit than anything else, moved to wrap around her waist, but he still wouldn't look at her. "Castle… look at me." He squeezes her waist, just to let her know that he is listening, but it's not good enough. She wants to look at him. "Castle."

His gaze lifts to her and she wonders just how long he's been torturing himself over this. "None of this is your fault. It's Bracken's. It all falls on him, not you. You didn't pull the trigger. Maddox did. You didn't try and throw me off a roof. Time and time again you have tried to talk me out of it, to let it go, step away. What Josh said was wrong, and if I'd known about it…"

"Kate, you weren't in the state to deal with anything. We both know that."

Kate deflated, her shoulders sagging underneath her jumper. "Castle-"

"I don't… I'm not referring to that. I've come to terms with it, and I can understand why you did what you did. Honestly, I do." He tipped his head backwards, his hands sliding up her back to pull her towards him. She landed against his chest, her arms going around his neck and resting near the top of his head. She ran her hands through his hair, waiting on him to carry on. "I'm being a misery guts, I know. It's just… it's our first Christmas and I wanted it to be special."

"I know, Castle. I do. And it is special. I mean the loft, it looks_ amazing_. You could put Central Park to shame."

"I don't think it's as good as that." Castle huffed out a laugh. "Nothing could ever compare to Central Park at Christmas."

"We could go." Kate says, turning her head so she could nudge his neck with her nose.

"Maybe tomorrow. I want to stay here tonight."

Kate hums her approval, shifts backwards so she could look Castle in the eyes again. "Central Park tomorrow."

"You're with your father tomorrow. I'm not going to take you away from that."

"I'm having lunch with him, you know that. After that I'm free. Why don't I meet you there?"

"You sure?"

Kate smiled. "Yeah, Castle. I'm sure."

* * *

She can't quite tell if Castle is asleep. She's squished in between his body and the back of the sofa his arm loose around her waist, the other hanging off the side of the sofa. His eyes are closed and his breathing soft, the only obvious noise being the hiss of the fire. She's not tired, she's too hyped on _Christmas_ and _Castle_ to even think about sleeping. Besides, she wants to wake him up when it finally hits Christmas day. Five minutes to wait. It started to snow again ten minutes ago, but it's only light and she doesn't think it will last. But as long as it's still falling when it hits midnight then that's okay with her.

"You're a hypocrite." Castle murmurs, drawing Kate's attention back to him.

"What?"

"You tell me off when I stare at you. You say that it's creepy."

"It's only creepy when you do it." Kate hums. "Besides, it's different when the person you're staring at is asleep."

"Wasn't asleep," he grunted, turning on his side and pulling her against him, "was resting my eyes."

"Oh, right. Well you were doing a very good asleep of someone who's asleep. Forgive me for thinking otherwise."

He grinned, reached forward to press his mouth against hers, hard and quick. "Is it Christmas yet?"

Kate glanced at the clock, and shook her head. "Three more minutes. It is snowing, though."

Castle wrenches his head back to look out the window, sits up suddenly. He's pulling Kate up with him and she goes without question, already has a vague idea of where he's taking them. He's snatching up a heavy blanket as he goes wraps it around his shoulders as Kate follows him into his study.

She's not been out on his balcony that many times, in all honesty. There's not much of a view at night, and they're both too busy during the day to use it when it's light. But there have been times when he's led her out here, a quiet space just for them. The light dusting of snow crunches under her shoes as she leans against the balustrade, and she's cold. Her breath is frosting in the air, seemingly glowing with the light from the street below. It's not long before Castle's behind her, wrapping his arms around her shoulders, the blanket cloaking them both. Her lack of heels makes her feel small but the feeling of Castle crowding her – wrapped around her like a secondary blanket – she doesn't mind as much as she used to. She likes it, the way that he can cover every single part of her.

The city – the city that rarely sleeps anyway – is alive. It's so alive. Below them are people (not all of them drunk), singing and calling out to people, making their way home from parties. She can see Christmas trees in windows, a constant glow of lights and stream of people.

"I love snow." Castle sighs in her ear. "It's magical."

"I love snow until I have to go to work in it."

"But you don't have to go to work. You've got three days off." He replied, pulling at the curve of her ear with his teeth.

"By some sheer stroke of good luck." She laughed. "Don't think I'll be this fortunate next year."

"You never know. Gates might find that she has a heart."

"Castle…"

"Alright, alright. I'm kidding. She just doesn't like me."

"I like to think she's grown to tolerate you by now. Maybe by next year she'll like you. And it's not you. She just doesn't like outsiders."

"Because Detective Inspector Colin Hunt was obviously an insider."

"He's at least a cop."

He huffed. "He liked you."

"I didn't like him."

"Didn't you?"

"No, Castle."

"Not even a little bit?"

"Castle." She grits, doing her best to not turn around and glare at him. Not that it would work. She wasn't really in a glaring mood.

He grins against her neck. "I'm kidding, I'm sorry. He clearly had the hots for me."

"You're such an ass." Kate laughed, pushing her elbow into his stomach slightly.

"You love it." He replies.

Funnily enough, it's not her that freezes. She doesn't even panic. But Castle's grip on her arm has tightened and his breath is hot and quick against her neck. But of all the times she's thought about when she could say it – when those three words could be said – her heart has pounded and her throat has gone dry. But now – now when the snow is falling slightly harder onto their heads, and it's been Christmas day for two minutes – it's okay. She turns quickly and she hates that Castle thinks that she's trying to get away because he lets go. She can't look at him. Can't look at him because she knows that his eyes are going to be big and blue and _sad_ and she can't – she pushes him backwards arms at his shoulders and her hips pushing at his thighs until he's flat against the wall. She kisses him and his lips are cold but his mouth is warm. It doesn't take long for him to respond, his tongue reaching out to flick at the seam of her lips before withdrawing and waiting a second before repeating. His hands are tight on her hips and he tugs her so she has to raise up on her tiptoes, her pelvis slamming into his. He groans, his head tipping away from hers. Without his mouth on hers Kate is free to talk and she pushes against him still, her mouth panting against his collarbone. "I do love you. I do, and –"

He doesn't let her finish. He spins her and now it's her against the wall and it's so similar to that night six months ago that she has to bite on her lip to stop crying. It's all the same – granted, it's snow rather than rain, and she's outside rather than inside. But the way he's got her pinned, the way that he's kissing her and holding her. She almost loses herself in it, almost lets herself get lost in oblivion out here and his balcony with nothing but the snow and the feel of Christmas surrounding them. But it's the sudden change in temperature when the blanket slips away that knocks some sense into her. Her hand moves from his arm to run up the side of his neck, up into his hair and tugging. Castle moves to look at her, his eyes dark and fathomless. "Inside. Castle, inside. Now."

He doesn't need telling twice, but Castle does something she doesn't expect, gets one hand under her thigh, the pads of his fingers _so close_ to where she wants and needs them. She knows what Castle wants, lifts her other thigh so he can get a grip on that and then jumps, and Castle uses the availability of the wall to balance her on his hips. Even with the barriers of clothing the feeling of him pressing against the inside of her thigh makes her skin fizz and her blood bubble and her head feels weightless as she keens against his shoulder. He does move then, one arm strong around her waist as he keeps her pinned against him, his other hand fumbling for the door handle. She tries to not distract him, tries (and mostly succeeds, bar the lips against his pulse point) to let him get them inside where it's warm and it's dry.

He stumbles against something in his study and his balance goes. He can't do anything to save them, and then the pain that she should feel when her back slams into the floor decipitates almost immediately when he lands on her and he's _right there _and _oh_… her back is arching off the floor, her mouth opening on a silent scream and her hands scrabbling on the floor for something – anything to sink her fingers into. There's nothing so she finds herself hooking her fingers into his belt loops. He tries to sit up, tries to at least make them get up but she keeps him pinned, her leg wrapped around his thigh.

"Kate-" he gasps, "Kate, we-"

"Can't – need you now." She's tugging at his shirt with her free hand, trying just feel as much skin as she can. "Castle, please."

* * *

"You're staring at me again." Castle sighs, opening one eye to look at Kate.

"Not staring. Admiring. It's different." She kisses the bare skin of his shoulder, feels the tang of sweat and salt on her lips. "I don't know why you're not asleep."

"Why aren't you?"

"I'm busy."

"It's three am and you have to be with your father in eleven hours. You should be asleep."

She nipped at his skin before soothing the sting with her tongue. "You shouldn't have kept me awake."

"Don't blame me. It's all your fault."

"I'll just take it back then." She grinned, before lying down and tugging Castle's arm around her shoulders so she could use his shoulder as a pillow.

He growls at her but it's half-hearted and she knows he doesn't mean it. And he knows she'd never take it back. The two are silent for a few moments, happy with tracing nonsense patterns on each other's skin.

"We really should sleep." Kate muses eventually.

Castle's got his eyes closed again, his breathing soft and quiet. Kate pulls the blankets further up across her shoulders. Castle hums something, bordering on the edges of sleep and awake and reaches across his waist to tangle her fingers with his. She knows when he's asleep when she feels the weight of his head tilt against hers. Outside the last dregs of party goers are winding their way home and she lets it lull her into sleep.


End file.
